becoming conscious (2021)

becoming conscious is my Fine Arts senior thesis project.
it serves as a documentation of my healing journey from
navigating societally-induced traumas as a queer Asian woman.

But when we begin to live from within outward,
in touch with the power of the erotic within ourselves,
and allowing that power to inform and illuminate our actions upon the world around us,
then we begin to be responsible to ourselves in the deepest sense.

For as we begin to recognize our deepest feelings,
we begin to give up, of necessity, being satisfied with suffering and self-negation,
and with the numbness which so often seems like their only alternative in our society.

—Audre Lorde, Uses of the Erotic

8 tips to heal from past trauma (2021)

this video describes 8 things I have learned over the course of my healing journey,
which include practicing mindfulness, disengaging from instant gratification, and so on.

statement

Becoming Conscious is an investigation at the intersection between trauma,
societal indoctrination, healing, and psychedelics.
This work is a simultaneous reflection and celebration
of my shift from trauma conditioning, survival mode, and self-sabotage
to becoming consciously aware of patterns and developing the ability
to non-judgmentally respond to thoughts, emotions, and situations.
Importantly, I acknowledge that my wounded past self was
the product of facing systems of oppression as a queer Asian woman.

Becoming Conscious takes the form of multiple videos composed of
paired looping psychedelic mp4s along with my readings of condensed texts.
This work is about how power structures shape thoughts, behaviors, and actions
to further perpetuate the oppressive status quo.
In particular, I examine this phenomenon through an autobiographical lens,
considering my past traumas caused by societal conditioning.

My intended audience is other queer Asian women,
but I hope that this work will be relevant to other marginalized individuals.
I aspire to evoke feelings of love and optimism in the viewer,
and to express the message that healing is possible
no matter how hard things might be in the current moment.
I also wish to contribute to the dialogue examining
systems of oppression and how they affect individuals on a personal level.

I have drawn influences from Audre Lorde, Yung Pueblo, and Ocean Vuong
to craft my sentiments toward navigating this world with a marginalized identity.
Other themes I have explored through these artists’ works include
embracing my queer femininity, methods of healing, and family relationships.

I chose to portray animals and nature in many of the mp4s because they serve as a reminder
of the beauty of the natural world that we should all cherish.
One central aspect of my healing journey is an active gratitude practice,
and painting beautiful animals is one way for me to express heartfelt appreciation to the universe.

This project is an intentional meditation on the context surrounding my past trauma
and my never-ending path to Becoming Conscious.
I truly feel that this work is intimately fused to my transformative healing journey
and I am immensely grateful for the opportunity to share it with the viewer.

previous iterations (2020)